Paddy Goes to the Dragons
Well now there you are the five of you and you all looking grand so you are. My self and the wife are here to extract a fist of money of you lot. We would like about €100000 for a small lump of our Business. Say hello to the people Sheila.
She doesn’t have a lot to say for her-self in the company of strangers, not that you lot are really strange. But you should hear her at home she never stops yapping. Anyway so we haven’t really got a name for the business yet so we are fine going with whatever you lot come up with. At the moment we call it the pen. Sheila said to ask when we would get the money and could half of it be in cash, she is a devil for the cash. So if you have any questions fire away
Hello Paddy, you haven’t told us what it is you are selling
It’s like an echo in her, yeah the pen.
Perhaps you can enlighten us as to what its function is?
What doesn’t it do is the question
What doesn’t it do then?
Well it doesn’t keep asking questions for one.
Paddy tell the people what its does
Right Sheila, enlighten us, my arse. Anyway it’s for the young lads and lassies in the exams. It helps them out. Sure those exams are shocking difficult, the young lad took to growing plants out the back garden, beside her self’s rhododendrons, the year of the leaving cert. Stone raving lunatic mad so he was, up there in the bedroom carrying on with himself and smoke coming out of the bedroom window, the cat was going around all queer after it stepped in to say hello to the wee pup.
So how does it helps them?
Well you see what it does now is simple enough so it is. It have a bit of an auld computer there in the body of it and it scans the questions from the exam paper, then the young lad has it set up to look up the answers on the google and there’s a wee display there and the young lads and lassies are sorted
Is that not cheating paddy
Oh god no I wouldn’t be one to condone that cheating carry on.
I think it may be
Ah no I wouldn’t believe in cheating, all it is, in a way, is a cut of stress relief. I think the doctors should be prescribing this to the students. It stops them having to study.
Sounds like cheating
Now cut out the messing boy, it’s not cheating at all, its just a bit of assistance. All that book learning couldn’t be good for you, no wonder all the young people are in need of doctoring.
And how much does it cost to make?
Oh we don’t make them
Well how do you expect to sell them then?
Ah no a wee company over in china makes them, the young lad found them on the computer
Is there a patent on it?
Ah no it wouldn’t have anything as fancy as that now, it just comes with nothing on it and we put them in a big cardboard box and sell them in the market. Matty Ryan, the brother in law on the wife’s side built us a lovely stall, painted it green white and yellow on account of the Easter rising and all that auld malarkey
And what are your sales projections?
Well now let’s see there. Right in the first year we expect to sell a heap of them, then in year two god willing, we will sell an even bigger pile of them. Be year three sure jaysus we will be selling bucket loads of them.
Can you be a bit more accurate?
Well in year three now boss, we will be going into the Americas. Over to New York and Dallas.
I want to see the Ewing house
We talked about this Sheila
Well I’m going to see it
Right well whatever. Anyway, dragons the American’s love the technology so they do, no doubt about it so we will sell a fecking load of them over there, sure they would buy anything, we will put a big harp and a shamrock on it and away we go.
Okay well because I have no pen experience I am declaring myself out
You don’t look like the examing type anyway
I think it illegal so I’m out
I couldn’t possibly understand a word you are saying so I am out
Good luck to you
I have no money to invest and am just here for the publicity so I am declaring myself out
I knew be the look of you
Let me think here now, I am willing to make you an offer
Good man yourself, fire away big fella
Yes €20000 for 30% of the business
You heard me, do you want to think about it
Think about it are you having a laugh? You see we only have 5% left. I have 20% on account of me being the boss, the wife has 20% because she is the wife. The son has invested €20000 from selling the leaves from his plants and owns 20%. Joe Lynch the local postman said he will arrange for free delivery so he has 15%, the mother in law supplies the cardboard boxes and make ham sandwiches for the market days and grand flasks of tea, You haven’t drank the likes of it anywhere so she has 20% and she is a bit on the cantankerous side so you don’t want to be disturbing her share.
I couldn’t offer any better
Ah go on
Go on, go on, go on out of that
Ah well thanks anyway, now come here give us back them pens we gave out to you lot earlier, you not keeping them you shower of shaggers.
Paddy and Sheila drift out into the twilight with their pen and their dreams intact.
© Frank McGivney 02.06.16 (lunch time half hour of madness)