Tag Archives: coalman

the coal man calleth

The coal man calls (for once a true story)

there you are
hows it going
I’ve given up the wood
have you now
must have been a pain in the arse going around to a heap of houses
tell me about it, head melting boss
so what you at
I have something in the back of the van
have you now
I do
i’m not buying anymore pots
that’s was the Christmas special
pat bring up the chainsaw
ah here steady on I was only messing
no its a lovely chainsaw
pat hold on there now
pat get out the chainsaw
honest to god pat leave the chainsaw where it is
you can have it cheap
look at me
you what
what would I do with a chain saw
cut stuff
I’ve nothing worth cutting
270 euro its a grand chainsaw pat turn it on there for the man
listen I wouldn’t know one end of a chainsaw from another
are you sure its great value
what about the path there
you couldn’t use a chainsaw on concrete
no cleaning
you’re alright
I’d do a lovely job
but its spotless
no its not
you cant see it when the car is parked up
i’ll throw in the chainsaw
stop it
and a set of knives
cut it out will you
how about socks and boots
I still have the boots from last year
I have lovely socks
pat grab a pack of socks
I still have the packet from two years ago
you mustn’t clean the feet to often
its was a 20 pack
are you sure
the wife thought I was setting up a sock shop when I brought them home the time
these are great ones
the last ones left the feet black with bits of stuff
ah those ones
yeah those ones
come on pat we’re going
see you later
go on see you around


Coal man

He came with his red van and his coal and it still hot of a September day and I asked him had he an ice-cream machine that I would buy a 99 of him but he hadn’t so i didn’t. Two weeks later i bought two bags of coal of him just in case and just for peace and well just cause he a good bloke. The weather is still hot so when he called today in his shiny new white van (okay it was new to him and not really new and far from shiny) I gave him €30 and his young lad €2 and told him the young fella was doing all the work and he needed to start doing a bit do shift a bit of the weight he had accumulated around the mid section.I offered to sell him a few bags of blocks I still have from last year, sure the wife hasn’t even light the fire yet and the sweat pouring of the whole of Ireland with the unseasonable warmth we have upon us. But he wouldn’t buy them of me and left me with a warning that “he would be back”. I told him I was an accountant once and gave him my card if he had an inclination to pay tax of a day. i nearlyhad to ring the hospital with the fit of laughing he fell into.